Now that school has finally finished, I am finally able to travel to Thailand (I’ll get to other areas in Thailand, like Bangkok and Koh Samed later), a place that I have often wished to go to. I have several Thai relatives, and a trip like this helps me get a bit more insight into their background and culture. Of course, I enjoy Thai food, and what better place to get authentic Thai cuisine? Duh! I also wanted to see what all the hubbub is about in terms of this being the “Land of Smiles.” The point is that there are many reasons why I wanted to come here, and I’m so glad that I finally had the opportunity to. With that, let’s begin to see why… When I arrived, it was late at night, so clearly there was nothing touristy that I could really do (unless I really wanted to find some club or bar, which I did not). So, the adventure did not begin until the next full day.

Day 1

The Golden Triangle Journey

The first day here was on an all-day-long (and I do mean ALL-DAY-LONG!!) trip through Chiang Rai and to the triangle area where Thailand, Burma (Myanmar), and Loas meet. The journey started at 8 a.m. (the driver was half an hour late and I was the last one to be picked up) and took about 4 hours total of driving in a van with a driver who seemed to have a dream of being a NASCAR driver. Rainy roads, be damned! The first place we stopped for a bathroom break was a hot spring. I say hot springs (singular) instead of hot springs (plural) because there was really only one hot spring that anyone could put their hands or feet into. There was a hot spring-like fountain, but that doesn’t count. There was also another small hot spring spot where some of the shopkeepers were cooking eggs in the hot water. The rest of the area was just small tourist shops. We didn’t stay here long and soon headed back out. Finally, we reached our first real destination—the White Temple in Chiang Rai. It was quite a unique and interesting Buddhist structure. I’ll let you see for yourself.

The white temple was quite interesting. In order to go inside, you had to take off your shoes. This is standard practice for Buddhist temples in Thailand. Inside, it was rather odd. There was a golden Buddha, but there wasn’t much else inside as far as religious objects, furniture, etc. Instead, the walls were painted orange, and there were all kinds of recent pop culture images painted. I’m not quite sure what the meaning of that was, but it was not what you would typically see inside a Buddhist temple. After the temple, we went on to the area where Thailand, Loas, and Myanmar (Burma) meet, where they share a river. On the ride over, our tour guide told us about the different home-made liquors that the people here make from various creatures (you’ll see below). One of them is apparently a tiger penis. After seeing this up close, I’m still not certain that that is what it really is (I hope it’s not). Anyway, while explaining the supposed benefits (libido enhancement) of drinking the liquor made with this “stuff,” he proceeded to explain to us that he drank some of this recently, and that was how he wound up with an injured wrist. (In case anyone needs time to process that, he was making a masturbation joke.). I thought that was fantastic, as I have never heard any tour guide even come close to joking like that.

After visiting this area of Loas, we got back on the boat and headed to the Thailand area for another temple sight.

Afterwards, the last place we stopped to visit was the small villages of Yao and Akha.

Day 2

Well, I wasn’t sure what to do for day 2. In the early morning, I asked the owner of the guest house if she could arrange a van to take me to a scenic area a few hours north-west of here called “Pai,” but she said that the soonest van available wasn’t until noon and that it wouldn’t get there until 3 p.m.Then I would need to come back almost immediately. I decided this was clearly not going to happen. Instead, I looked around and managed to find a small eatery called “Tree in Town” that was run by a very nice older Thai couple. They served both western and Thai dishes, but since I was in Thailand, I figured I needed to indulge in as much Thai food as I could while there. I ended up eating here three times during my visit. Below is some of the food that I got.

Needless to say, the food was delicious.

Day 3

Thai cooking class with “Asia Scenic”

This was one of the things that I was most anticipating. Luckily, it ended up being one of the highlights of my time in Chiang Mai. At this cooking school, we were able to create six dishes as well as take home a small cookbook based on all of the menu options from the class. It started with us being led to a local market so we could see the kind of ingredients that would go into many of the dishes. We then returned and began preparing the rest of the dishes. Through out the class, the instructor kept asking us how spicy (or, in his words, “how sexy”) we wanted our dishes to be. I think I chose a level 3 or 4 (out of a possible 10, which was a very non-scientific method of him deciding how much each level was) for my panang curry, but I decided to follow the lead of the woman next to me (who was from the Netherlands) and went with a level 6 helping of red curry for my Tom Yum soup. This seemed to go OK, but I don’t think I could have handled a higher level than that.

After we finished the last two dishes, the instructor went down the line taste testing everyone’s food and would give immediate feedback on whether they were nice and sexy or disappointing. After he tried both my Panang curry and my Tom Yum soup, I felt validated and was given a look of approval, followed by him suggesting that the woman next to me try my dishes. The level of spiciness also helped with my sinuses (I was still getting over a cold at this time). Interesting fact: I was a little surprised to learn that the famous dish “Pad Thai” is actually not very popular with Thai people, mainly because Thai people consider rice to be a main staple of their cuisine, not noodles.

As much as I enjoyed making these dishes and how much I love Thai food, I’m worried that I won’t be able to match the success rate that I had while here. Oh well, at least if I do try again (and I’m sure I will down the road), I have the help of the little cookbook that was provided to us as part of the class.

Day 4

Zip Lining

On Saturday, I went zip-lining. The ride to the place seemed quite long, not so much from leaving the city, but once we entered the mountainous area, it was a long, slow, and very bumpy ride. I wanted to take photos, but we were told not to take any valuables with us to the zip lines. This made sense in terms of hauling around extra equipment; I just wish I could have captured the scenery. The small group that I was in consisted of 4 men (me and 3 Chinese guys). It seemed like the vast majority of the people zip-lining here were Chinese. (I found this ironic since I wanted to travel to Thailand to get away from China for a bit.).

The instructors were funny and active, one of whom repeatedly tried to trick us into letting him hold up the metal zip line piece (the main piece that allows you to roll along the zip line cable) and telling us to watch out for our penis, followed by him letting go of it and it dropping and hitting right in our groins. I was the first one he did this to while we were getting our equipment put on. This happened several more times to the other guys. I think karma was playing a role here, because during one of the flights to the other platforms, as I came in, I was facing forward, and the instructor was standing there waiting to catch me. As I came in, my knee happened to be facing him, and as soon as I came in, I ended up accidentally kneeing him in his groin. What can I say? Karma is a b*tch. You would think he might have considered this too (since the majority of people are Buddhist).

The instructors also seemed to enjoy messing with us whenever they could. Whenever I would be told to “go,” as soon as I started off of the platform, I would then hear “Wait!” followed by laughter. There were some areas where they had to lower us down onto other platforms below in order to get to the next zip line, and they joked about falling and enjoyed lowering us quickly (although not at free fall speed). The very last zip line was 900 meters across to the end, and it was a cool thing to see and experience. You could look around and see the mountainside and feel the wind blow as you soared across. Earlier, I had seen several instructors going across and tipping themselves upside down. This seemed thrilling, and I wanted to try it for the last line, but I couldn’t figure out how to maneuver myself correctly to do it (and I was also a bit nervous to try).

Saturday night dinner

That evening, I met up with someone I had just met for dinner in the old city. I hadn’t spent much time in the old city because of all the day-long activities and trips, so I thought this would be a good time to go. I wanted to go to a good Thai place, but as we drove near it, we saw that it had apparently closed. I was asked if I wanted to go for Vietnamese, and I said “sure.” The place we went to was really quite good, and the food arrived looking very exotic.

Food has certainly been a highlight of this trip.

Day 5

Doi Inthanon National Park

I wanted to go to this park because of the spectacular views I was sure to have of the beautiful mountains and the temples high atop them. Or, at least, that’s the idea that I had before booking the trip here (I was going by a photo that was used to advertise it, yeah). Well, perhaps in the dry season, this place does look like that. However, this happened to be the rainy season, and that is exactly what we got. For a national park that boasts the highest mountain in Thailand, the park itself seemed quite small. It seemed like there wasn’t much to see in between van stops. We first stopped at a village that had rice terraces (there are many in Thailand) as well as looking at their small gift shop, where they hand-make scarves, dresses, and other items.

At the actual park, we saw two waterfalls before driving towards what was called the “Royal Project.” Here there were many flowers and gardens.

We took another van ride further to a short path, where we saw some more Buddhist figures on top of the highest part of Thailand.

We ended the trip at Buddhist temples and surrounding garden areas built in honor of the king and queen of Thailand. This was where it was the most windy and cold. The fog was thick, and you could not see anything beyond the immediate area. The wind was so strong at times that my already limp umbrella finally broke, and I had to get another one at the gift shop.

Day 6

Mahot Elephant Training

For the last day in Chiang Mai, I wanted to do something that I thought would make for a great ending. Something unique and exciting. I saw that there was a chance to be with elephants for a day, so I decided this would be the end of my trip.

The trip started out unexpectedly, as I was the first one to be picked up. This was not the unexpected part, though. The part I was not expecting was to be picked up in the same kind of vehicle that people use to get around the city, which are referred to as the “red buses.” For all the other trips, a van was provided. This was not a bus at all but rather a pickup truck with a kind of covering over it with a seating bench on both sides and some bars for people to hold on to. Earlier in the week, I had taken one back home, and I was put off by how much you could smell the exhaust fumes. I had no idea how long the trip would be, but I was not looking forward to this part. Sure enough, it took a good 1.5 hours to get there, and I could smell the fumes most of the way over.

After a long, smelly, and bumpy, mud-filled ride up the mountain area where the place was located, we got off at the beginning of the trip. I wasn’t sure what it was other than something affiliated with elephants. Then I remembered the sign we passed while driving in—something about poo poo. When we got to the entrance, sure enough, there was a big sign that read…

Yes, this was apparently a place that utilizes recycled elephant poop to be used as paper products and other gift items.

You could see piles of elephant poop placed through out the site.

I’m assuming they did not have elephants come into the place and poop strategically, so I’m guessing the staff here placed these little piles accordingly.

The place was actually quite interesting, and it was nice to see that such an eco-friendly, unique, and responsible practice was being utilized here. It seemed so progressive.

When we arrived, we were told to head along the path to the first station, where we were told all about what they do here and how they process the elephant poop.

Then, finally, came the elephant training part. After another ride along the bumpy and muddy roads, we finally arrived at the elephant area. Before signing up for this, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I had wondered what exactly the “training” part implied, but I was still hoping that this was some kind of sanctuary for elephants that had been injured, abused, or sick. According to the man who was telling us about the elephants, this was a refugee place for them.

The first thing we saw as we walked to the elephant camp was an elephant that had a chain around one of its feet and was hooked to a post.

This was not what I was expecting to see, and it sort of caught me off guard. This was not what I imagined when I envisioned a refugee camp for the elephants. After being told that the elephants used to be used as labor elephants and now they no longer have to do that, I felt a bit of relief. But later on, as he was talking about the training process, he held up a tool that looked like a metal hook attached to a wooden stick. This set me back to feeling uneasy and made me a bit anxious as to what I might see later. He said that it looked bad but that the elephants have thick skin, so they don’t really feel it like we would. This may be true, but this did not make me feel much better. After that, he went on to describe the different verbal commands for the elephants to do certain things (like eating, lying down, standing up, etc.).

We then changed into our “Mahot” (trainer) clothing and were led over to some other elephants so that we could feed them and try to use some of our newly learned commands (for instance, “Bawn Bawn” was the command to have the elephant lift up its trunk and open its mouth to receive food).

After their feeding time was over (as well as ours), we were taken to another section where we were to get to ride the elephants to the next part of the trip.

We could see other tourists riding these elephants, sitting on a wooden box-type seat that was tied with a rope to the elephant. When we rode them, we did not use these boxes. Instead, we were to ride the elephants bareback (just ourselves). This seemed to be better than having a box seat strapped to the elephants. One by one, we had the Thai mahots give the command for the elephant to lie down so that we could mount them and ride a short distance and get a feel for it (and to have our pictures taken).

Things seemed to be going OK, and we were finally being assigned to an elephant to ride over to the bathing area by the river. Suddenly, one of the elephants was apparently being a bit stubborn or just wasn’t responding quickly enough to commands being given, so one of the Thai mahots started hitting the elephant and actually started hitting it near its eye while making his hand into a fist. This really upset one of the girls in the group (she was from New Zealand), and it also made me throw my hands up as if to say, “What the hell?!” She flat-out said, “What the F*ck!!??” From that point on, she was visibly upset and, at one point, tried to ask if there was any way she could go back so she wouldn’t have to finish the rest of the trip. I felt bad for her, as I too felt upset at what just happened. I reluctantly got up on an elephant (which is rather difficult considering the only thing to hold on to is a rope around its neck) and waited to see if she would finally agree to get on (we were told we would be riding in pairs). She finally decided to join me. We ended up being the last pair to leave, and our elephant seemed a bit slower than the rest.

While we rode, I could hear her sniffling. She apologized by saying that she is normally not such an emotional person and that this incident just really upset her. I told her she had nothing to apologize for and that I understood and felt the same. While trying to make conversation to make her feel better, I was also trying not to shift too much, as I was afraid I might fall off. I was in front, and so I was told before that I should be riding on the necks of the elephants (if they are older). Well, elephants have moving shoulder parts just like we do, and I was constantly shifting back and forth and developing major chaffing and wedgies on both sides (yeah, figure that one out). We both mentioned that this elephant camp was not what we had thought it would be but that this was a learning experience. Now I know firsthand that riding an elephant is not all it’s cracked up to be.

After we arrived near the river, we had to walk down a muddy-sided hill to get to the river edge before crossing. Along the way, we came across a plant that physically seems to be “alive” in that if you touch it, its leaves retract.

Once at the edge of the river, we had to take what was basically a zip line/pulley system across the river. It sort of reminded me of something out of the Vietnam War era.

Once we all got across, it was time for us to commence with the bathing portion of the trip. I thought that there might be some scrubbing and massaging since we were told early on that they like massages. And really, who doesn’t? . However, they just had a bag full of plastic pots that we used to pour and splash water over them with. I guess this is still bathing, just not what I had pictured.

When we finished, we all packed into those “red bus” type of trucks and headed back to a final spot where we would rinse off and change. While there, there was a rooster walking around. At one point, he was standing with one foot up, almost like a flamingo. The girl that I rode with on the elephant said that apparently he was set to be in a cockfight later that day. I suddenly realized why he was imitating a flamingo stance.

Finally, it was time to go. I said goodbye to the girl from New Zealand (I can’t remember her name). She gave me some advice about where to go in Cambodia if I ever went there. I think I will follow her advice. We were also given a chance to purchase the photos taken of us on our elephants inside an elephant poop paper frame. I decided to buy it because the image of me looked rather ridiculous, and it also accurately showed my feelings about this whole elephant riding experience.

All in all, my time in Chiang Mai was good, and I would come back. I think the cooking class was the best part of the trip. Next time, I would love to be able to visit the area of Pai and see what everyone is talking about. Perhaps I will try another time when it’s during the dry season and not so cloudy and wet.

Stay tuned for the second part of this blog post about Bangkok.