This post will just be a simple compilation of some odd and humorous instances that I or others have experienced over the past year.

A Smashing Good Time

My first year in China, when I lived in Hangzhou, I was given a “Welcome to China” surprise when, on the eve of Chinese New Year, the electronic lock on my apartment door stopped working and I was locked out. This resulted in having to contact my school HR person so they could call the on-call locksmith. The lock was too complicated to be fixed, so all the locksmith could do was break the entire door handle unit off of the door.

This year, this memory came flooding back when I once again found myself locked out of my apartment (this time, it was entirely my fault as I had accidentally moved the door shut while I was getting a package from the landing). Once again, my heart fell to my stomach while I panicked, trying to figure out what to do (of course, my phone was inside the apartment). Luckily, I lived close enough to my gym, where I ran to ask my trainer to help me contact a locksmith. In the end, he was able to get someone, but not without resorting to the classic maneuver of “smash, break, replace.”

Airpocalypse

This is a term commonly used here in China whenever the air pollution levels are sky high. It should be noted that the western air quality index (AQI) and the official Chinese AQIs are quite different in their readings. The Chinese AQI is always released by official government-approved sources and, therefore, always shows a lower reading than a western AQI measurement. This is why many schools allow children to go outside when pollution levels are actually high.

As a general rule, the pollution levels in the north of China tend to be worse than further down south (with the exception of cities that have lots of manufacturing or coal plants nearby). The worst time of year is in winter, when many people still burn coal for heat. The majority of the year here is generally OK, but there can be high levels even in the summer. There have been occasions where I have seen the sky thick with heavy gray smog, as well as times in winter when I have seen rolling smog under the street lights at night. But actually seeing numbers like these (from western AQI measurements) is still disturbing.

Airborne Meat

One evening, as I was coming back from taking out the garbage (at least, I think that is what I was doing), I noticed something hanging across the walkway back towards my apartment. Upon closer inspection, I saw that they were sausages. I have no idea who made them or hung them up, though. I apologize for the blurred, low-quality night images from my phone.

On another occasion, I was coming back from my weekly stretch session when I noticed another oddity hanging by clothes hangers–de-feathered chickens.

Contradictory Morals

It is said (by me, but surely by many others who spend enough time here) that China is a country chock full of contradictions and irony. One of these is the issue of sex. There is no formal sex education in schools, and the government’s position is still a traditionally conservative one where it tries to convey to the world that China is a nation of wholesome innocence. Films and TV are heavily censored for many reasons, but certainly pertaining to anything related to sex. It is not talked about, yet it also appears everywhere, from advertising campaigns and flyers to unofficial services offered at certain massage parlors, cheap hotels, and some KTVs. People (myself included) have also photographed Chinese people (adults and young kids) wearing clothing with all kinds of inappropriate, mistranslated, or adult language without having any clue of the meaning. That is why it always seems ironic and funny when I see things like this.

And Speaking of Ironic…

As I mentioned before, China is a land filled with irony. There are many examples of irony in everyday life, such as the collectivist society where every person acts like no one else exists but them. There are plenty of other examples, but there are too many to list them all here.

Another example is giving strange names to businesses. Below is a very odd and ironically named eyeglass shop. This was sent to me by one of my coworkers who moved to Nanjing this summer.

China is a place where there are so many fascinating things that occur. You are constantly amazed, surprised, or flabbergasted that you find yourself asking, “Is this for real?” Although I don’t know how much longer I will remain in China, I will continue to document and share these odd, ironic, and amusing situations that even the best fiction writers couldn’t make up.